Why do you feel empty inside?

Why do you feel empty inside?

Feeling empty comes from within you and is not necessarily influenced by external factors such as other people or things. It can be difficult to understand, and could be described as feeling emotionally detached or numb.

Even if you have good things happening in your life, you can still feel a sense of unfulfillment. This is because emptiness is an intrinsic feeling.

Sometimes, people who seem to have it all (things like fame, money and success) could still be unhappy which might be puzzling for others to understand. Since all of these things are external, if a person is not fulfilled internally, no amount of external validation will be able to change the feeling of numbness.

The first step to helping yourself is to acknowledge the situation and find tools to help you work through the feelings you are experiencing.


a person walking up the stairs


Why you might be feeling empty

Maybe you feel like you haven’t found your purpose yet, or maybe you aren’t doing what you love. Whatever the reason for feeling empty might be, it is a feeling that can leave you debilitated and constantly drained. You might start questioning your reason for being.

You are not alone; many people experience this. It takes time to figure life out, some people never figure life out and that’s totally okay too. Worrying about feeling empty and lost inside increases anxiety and depression. It’s also good to know that when we have anxiety or depression, we often have negative feelings about our negative feelings. What a cycle!

It’s okay to have both negative and positive thoughts or feelings, let the feelings and thoughts come and go. You shouldn’t feel bad about having negative thoughts, just as long as your negative thoughts are not the only thoughts you experience.

  • Feeling lonely

Loneliness can be caused by many confusing feelings, for example, you might be surrounded by a bunch of people or have a busy social life, and still feel lonely.

I reached my loneliest point when I had the most people around me. It’s tiring to put on a fake smile all the time and hide your true feelings. Sometimes you might feel like nobody understands you or the people you surround yourself with have different values than you.

Loneliness is dangerous, so it’s good to be mindful of your thoughts. Being mindful means that you should be aware of what you are thinking and being in the present moment.

  • Lack of fulfillment

Many things can cause a lack of fulfillment. What one person may find irrelevant can be a serious issue for another person. Intentionally or unintentionally, people might be judgmental towards you based on the type of problems you are dealing with.

If you perceive another person’s problems as being bigger than yours, you may feel uncomfortable sharing your story with them. You shouldn’t feel this way because we all have problems. Just because someone might have a problem that may be perceived as more important than yours, it doesn’t make your problem any less important.

Maybe you got comfortable in whatever situation you are in, whether it’s in your job or accepting poor treatment from others that led you to a feeling of emptiness.


Office environment

If you feel this way, practice simple tasks to help you cope. Try to find things that bring you joy and clarity such as taking a walk to get some fresh air. It’s amazing how a simple activity like getting fresh air can make you feel better.

Try to surround yourself with different people who are able to add value to your life because the conversations and energy will be different. People who can motivate and inspire you will add more value to your life than any monetary value will. They will help you grow personally. Change your environment if possible, little changes can make a huge difference to your mental health.

  • Lack of love and care (childhood into adulthood)

Many of us had traumatic experiences growing up and not everyone handles trauma in the same way. Some people work hard to create a life that is the complete opposite of their childhood.

Unfortunately, other people seem to carry their childhood with them into adulthood. They do this unintentionally because they are unsure about how to process their emotions. If not addressed, these feelings can creep up into their adult lives and create a never-ending cycle of trauma.

If you had a traumatic childhood, it is not your fault. Children cannot control how they are raised or who raises them.

I personally experienced childhood trauma so I speak from experience when I say that you might think that your life is great and then one day, out of nowhere, a childhood memory creeps up and takes you right back to what you thought you dealt with long ago. How annoying!

It is so important to seek professional help to enable you to deal with your feelings. You need to realise that you hold the power to creating a life you love: a life where you can be anything you want to be, and no matter how old you are, you can always start over if you are not truly happy. It’s never too late.

  • Anxiety and depression

Some people think and some people overthink. Just how much thinking is classified as overthinking? I’m not sure. But judging by my question, I am probably one of those people who overthink.

Recently, I started seeing a therapist because I felt it will be good for a professional to tell me why I struggle with anxiety. I am getting tired of managing a panic attack or having anxiety about anxiety.

I am making progress and it’s also helping me to be more mindful and be in the present moment. I am beginning to manage my thoughts better and I am letting my thoughts come and go and not live in my mind for too long.

Dealing with anxiety and depression might make you believe that your life is not fulfilled. Sometimes we create our own problems that exist only in our minds. Sometimes these thoughts will never become our reality, yet we still tend to focus on them.

The journey of life

Professional lady

We are all on this journey called life and we know that it is not easy. We can be surrounded by many people and still feel lonely. This is because feeling empty comes from the inside. No amount of money, friends, people or parties will make you feel less empty until you deal with the root of the problem.

You can travel the world or have lots of money in the bank but if you don’t fix yourself on the inside, the outside will never make you happy. Get to know who you really are so that your happiness can manifest from the inside and is not based on external validation that so many people seek.

True fulfillment comes from the inside.

How to tell if someone is using you

How to tell if someone is using you

Friendships are meant to be simple and care-free, not complicated. Once you start questioning a friendship, you might as well start planning your exit from the friendship.

True friends will never make you second guess yourself. A true friend is someone you can speak to without fear of judgment. But not everyone is a true friend. We also have fake friends who keep you in their lives because you probably benefit them in some way.

Once they have used you enough, they will discard you for their next unknowing victim.

How do you tell if someone is a true friend or not?

Someone who uses you is NOT a true friend. You shouldn’t be the only person putting in an effort and getting no effort in return.  There should always be mutual understanding, trust and care for each other.

  • They are only around you when they want something

You may not realize this in the beginning. You might be in a bubble of happiness because you think you finally found a new friend who gets you, and they are always around you. Whenever you go out together, the scales always seem to be tipped in their favor. For example, you might find yourself always getting the bill, but maybe you don’t mind because you think that your friend is worth it.

Sooner or later, you will notice patterns and might even question why your friend always seems to be broke or in certain situations which could be avoided in the first place. Whether it’s a place to stay, unwelcomed visits, helping them with something or always bailing them out of messy situations, remember that you are not your friend’s keeper and their life is not your responsibility.

Man and woman eating

  • You only hear from them when things go wrong

Sometimes you recognize all the signs of a toxic friendship and might decide to distance yourself from them. But you might find yourself being around them again. You’re not sure how it happened or why you’re around this toxic person again, but you seem to keep getting pulled into their life.

I grew apart from a friend who had a special place in my life. The friendship became toxic so I distanced myself. And just like that, out of nowhere, she called me in a panic because she was going through some problems.

Even though I wasn’t in contact with her for more than a year, I still cared about her. When she contacted me, I put our differences aside and tried to help her but soon I remembered why I distanced myself. My friend brought back all the drama that I didn’t miss when I stopped speaking to her. As much as I didn’t want to, I had to cut myself off from her for the second and last time.

She only knew my number when things went wrong in her life. When things were great, she never tried to reach out to me, but every time I got a call from her, it was because of something that was going wrong in her life.

  • They gossip about you

The saying goes if they gossip to you, they will gossip about you. If your friend is discussing other people to you, they are probably discussing your life with others too. A person who is busy and happy in life will not have time to keep up with the lives of others. They will be focused on making their own life better.

If they are constantly gossiping about other people and still hang around those people, they are definitely doing the same to you.

Sometimes, this is a way of life for some people and they are not even aware that they are doing it.

Two girls telling each other a secret

Someone I knew used to gossip to me about her friends. I remember always telling her to address her issues with them instead of talking about them, but she never did.

I don’t think she realized that she was gossiping, I guess she assumed that everybody spoke about others. She had no problem telling me that she was taking my stories to others too. It shocked me that she naturally blurted out anything about my life to her friends.

I stopped telling her about stuff that was happening in my life because she was clearly a natural gossiper.

  • They are jealous of you

Some of your closest friends and family might turn out to be your secret haters. They are the people who are closest to you and know the most about your life. They are also the first to know about your success and failures.

If they start comparing their life to yours in any way, they are probably jealous of you. If they start dropping comments that make you question the conversation, don’t ignore your intuition or brush it off as being paranoid. There is a reason why you are second-guessing them and have every right to do so.

  • You check in with you to make sure you aren’t doing better than them

Person peeping through the window

Sometimes people keep you around because they are jealous but they also want to make sure that you aren’t doing better than them. I asked myself why people who have a lot more than others are still jealous? I couldn’t figure this out.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with material wealth. Sometimes, they despise you because of the way others gravitate towards you or the way you handle situations in your life. Just because a person seems successful and beautiful on the outside, doesn’t automatically translate to them being happy.

People can have everything and still want what you have. People want you to do well, but not better than them.  Be careful of those who support you only when it suits them. You might think that they are trying to help you but they might actually be trying to keep you down.

Respect yourself enough to be absent in their lives

Sometimes we have to recognize those who portray a different persona to who they really are. Even if this takes some time to do, the important thing is that you come to this realization and take action at some point.

If you think that you are being used, the chances are that you are probably right. You wouldn’t be questioning friendships or people if something didn’t seem off. If you are constantly broke or drained because you are spending your time, money and effort on others, recognize the situation and respect yourself enough to be absent in their lives.

Surround yourself with people who get it

Surround yourself with people who get it

Do you ever feel like you’re misunderstood? One of the most frustrating feelings in the world is to be misunderstood. Most, if not all of us, just want to be heard. As we grow an develop in life, our views change and we tend to outgrow the people we grew up with.

It can be a challenging time. Especially when you try to hold on to something that starts to feel ‘off’. Why does this happen and what can you do about it?

Everyone’s life story is different and just because you lived your life in a certain way before, does not mean that that you cannot change. You don’t have to be the same person you were a year ago or even yesterday.

Change is the only constant and change means that you are doing something right!


Books on a shelf

Why should you surround yourself with people on the same mission as you?

  • Quality of thoughts

You are more than likely to adopt the habits of the people you surround yourself with. If you look at the people that you spend the most time with in your life, ask yourself: do they elevate, challenge and inspire you? Or do they bring you down with negative thoughts and drama?

Sometimes we hold on to people or situations longer than we need to because it is comfortable or familiar. But being comfortable is not where growth happens. If you keep doing the same thing, you cannot expect different results.

The quality of your thoughts affects the actions you take in life. You can change the quality of your thoughts by either being around high-quality people who have bigger ideas than you do or changing your environment.

  • You shouldn’t be the smartest person in the room

If you are the smartest person that you know, then it’s time to seek new people in your life. It is so important that we continuously learn so that we can grow. If you don’t surround yourself with people you can learn from, it becomes challenging to grow in life.

Rubic cube

For many years I surrounded myself with the same people based on the history I shared with them. I felt guilty for distancing myself because of some of these people I knew my entire life. The internal conflict I had with myself was based on outgrowing people. I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

I decided to change my thoughts, actions and entire life because I thought that those I surrounded myself with were stuck in the past. When I think about it now, I don’t think that they are stuck in the past, I think that they are comfortable with who they are and don’t see personal development as important.

After many inner conflicts, I decided to lean towards those I can learn from and those that challenge my views. By doing this, I am slowly creating new thoughts that are leading to a new life.

  • People who haven’t been where you’ve been

If those that you surround yourself with haven’t been where you’ve been, it is almost impossible for them to understand you. No matter how hard they try, they won’t be able to relate to you.

People often try to connect with each other by saying ‘I understand how you feel’. If they haven’t been in your situation, they cannot understand how you feel. This statement grates me every time.

I knew two people: the first person’s child passed away and the other person went through a divorce. When the person experiencing loss of a child was faced with depression, the divorced person told the mother of loss that she understood how the mother felt! Jaw drop! The divorced person did not even have kids. The divorced person compared her divorce to losing a child. It’s official, stupid people are everywhere!

  • People who have been where you want to go

Many people have already achieved the things you want to achieve in life.

We should look up to these people as mentors and people who inspire us to be better. A person with an open mind will listen to the views of others, even if it challenges their own. Challenging views are a great way to grow and do things differently to what you believed was true in the past.

Successful people have achieved their goals because of the actions they took. Observe these people and ask questions so that you can also elevate yourself and shift your mindset.

Not so long ago, I spent a lot of time with people who spoke about what they wanted to achieve in life. The problem was that all these people did was speak instead of executing. When I spoke about my goals, I often was laughed at. The difference was that I was executing.

I went from hanging around the dreamers to hanging around people who questioned and challenged me without taking offence. I used successful people that challenge me to elevate me and watched how they do what they do and why they do what they do.

The thoughts, ideas and conversations are different. I don’t feel stupid in a room full of successful people, instead I am grateful to get the opportunity to learn from these people.

  • Raise your standards

Stop settling for anything that doesn’t bring you the most joy. Whether it’s people, a job or a situation. Let it all go and raise your standards. It doesn’t matter what others think of you.

Who cares what others think? If you are not causing harm to anyone in the process, re-evaluate your life and get rid of toxicity. Stop holding on to anything that expired in your life.

Let them judge you or even hate you, it doesn’t matter. If people choose not to support your decisions in your life, you need to find new people. Criticism, snarky remarks and negativity should be a thing of the past. It doesn’t matter who these people are, if they bring negativity to you, let them go.

Girl walking away

Letting go

  • Let go of the old to make place for new

If we hold on to things that no longer have a place in our lives, there will be no place for new things to enter.

Think of your life as a suitcase, if you carry around all your old clothes, you won’t be able to buy anything new because you will have no space for it.

But think about those old clothes that you outgrew, they don’t fit you anymore so why would you keep them? Friends or people that you knew when you were younger might have been good for you back then but sooner or later, we outgrow certain people or situations, It is up to us to realise when it is time to let go so that better things can enter our lives.

  • Let go of low-quality people

Low-quality people will drown you with their negativity and drama. Learn to spot them early and don’t keep these people in your life. If a person constantly complains, gossips or is negative, that is a low-quality person and they can be draining.

You become like the people you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with successful people, your chance of you becoming successful too is very likely. Similarly, if you surround yourself with negative people, sooner or later you will also adopt that vibe and become negative too.

Your vibe WILL eventually attract your tribe

Don’t worry about those that misunderstand you. Even though it’s tough when you feel like a misfit, there are plenty of people out there who will understand you. But those people might not be in front of you.

I always felt like a misfit but I found my people when I started doing the things I love. I found them during my solo travels and at crazy music festivals.

When I started pursuing all the things I love, I met people who have similar personalities and interests. Life is so much better when you finally find at least one other person who gets you, but until then, keep doing what you love, even if others don’t understand you. Never change for someone else’s idea of who they think you should be.

Always be true to yourself!