Updated July 2020
The time when people tolerated poor treatment from others is slowly fading away. People are learning how to distance themselves from those they don’t want to be around. There could be several reasons why people distance themselves from others.
Some are labelled as being emotionally distant and some are viewed as having unreasonable expectations. I think that many people who once trusted others and were betrayed and are now protecting their peace.
You will keep recycling your experiences until you learn your lesson
Even though I’ve been betrayed numerous times, I still have hope that there are good people out there. Not everyone wants to hurt you. I choose to see the good in people but somehow, I manage to experience betrayal in the end.
After speaking to a few people, I noticed a pattern. We go through the same experiences but with different people. I figured that life is trying to teach us a lesson, but we are blind to notice.
For years I’ve been attracting toxic people and I couldn’t understand why. I’ve been through extreme situations, but the problem was not the other people, the problem was me. I was blindly going through life with no self-awareness.
People will take advantage of you if YOU allow them to
When everything is going well in life, we tend to forget about the bad stuff others did to us.
By forgetting the bad experiences and lessons we needed to learn, we open ourselves up to recycling our experiences. We are more likely to go through the same experience with either the same person or a new person.
Recycling experiences – same situation, but a different person
Have you ever been betrayed in relationships over and over again? The person is different, but do you notice that the situation keeps repeating itself? We often hear people ask, “why does this always happen to me?”
I think we need to be cognizant of the way we react to a situation and the lesson we learned from the situation. If we do this, then we become aware of what is attracting these experiences and that will prevent us from going through the same experience again.
It’s so easy to forget
I try to block out all my bad experiences, and this is my weakness. By blocking out past experiences instead of dealing with the situation, I move on without fully learning my lesson from the experience.
Often, others that know me well, have to remind me how bad my experiences actually were. I forget how badly I was treated by the same person and go back to help those people wherever I can – sometimes to my own detriment. I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember.
Another weakness of mine and I know that most of you can relate – is feeling empathy towards others, which sometimes gives others the power to take advantage of you.
I’ve had ‘friends’ who were jealous of me and secretly hated the things I had in my life, but I was too blind to notice. We don’t notice the ill intentions of those we consider ‘friends’ because we are not like them.
I also think this is the reason that so people are left asking the question: “how could he/ she do that to me”. We try our best to understand the actions of others but drive ourselves insane trying to make sense of senseless actions.
They will use you
Just because they laugh with you, doesn’t mean that they are happy for you. I think I’ve encountered them all. The ‘friend’ that uses you for money, the one that is jealous of you, the passive-aggressive ‘friend’, the ‘friend’ that wants to be you, the ‘friend’ that secretly routing for you to fail, the list goes on.
I kept asking myself how I always attract these types of people into my life. It got to a point where my real friends and even family noticed how I attracted these people into my life. I didn’t see anything wrong at the time.
If someone had a problem, I just wanted to help. THIS IS THE PROBLEM.
Their problem is not your problem
People that you continuously help, learn how to manipulate you. I learned that there are limits to helping others. You can help someone but still maintain a healthy boundary with that person. Just remember that their problem IS NOT your problem. You cannot carry everyone’s problems on your shoulders.
Helping a person once or twice is okay. If you find yourself giving more than you are getting back, then it’s time to evaluate the relationship.
Forgive them, even though they are not sorry
This is something I am learning to do, and it is hard. When I stopped making excuses for other’s actions and I stopped making excuses to keep them in life, my whole life changed for the better.
Many times, when someone betrays you, they probably didn’t care about you in the first place. So, when their mask falls off, they won’t suddenly care about you. Apathetic people don’t deserve your time and will probably not care about the way they treated you. That’s okay.
Forgive them because you need peace. Learn to let the bad experiences go. Even if they are not sorry, and most of the time, they will never be sorry. They will never see anything wrong with their actions.
Holding on to all those negative feelings, brings you down, not them. Holding on to the bad things that people did to you diminishes your quality of life and most of the time, the person you are upset with, has no idea that you even feel that way. Or sometimes, if they do know how you feel, they don’t care anyway.
Seek respect, it lasts longer
I noticed that the people who go around intentionally hurting others have one common trait – they are attention seekers. The world revolves around them. That’s why they are always taking from you.
One ‘friend’ tried to BE ME (lol), she changed to look exactly like me. It got so bad that my other friends and family couldn’t tell us apart. Another used me while I was going through my health issues, I was fighting against the cancer cells spreading, but she was obviously going through something ‘worse’.
Manipulators learn your weaknesses and exploit them. If you are not aware, you will be taken advantage of. I later found out that her health ‘issue’ wasn’t even a real thing. But it’s all about the attention.
Let it go and move on
I know it’s easier said than done. It’s hard when people that you trust betray you. What’s important is that you become aware of who they are. Forgive them, but don’t forget the bad experiences you had because of them.
Forgetting the bad experiences and remembering all the good experiences, puts you in a dangerous situation of recycling your experiences. It is important to be aware of why the same negative things always happen in your life and find ways to handle the situation differently.
It is only after we become aware of how and why we attract these types of people, that we can learn how to stop the same situations from happening again.