Updated June 2020
I’ve been living on my own for a few years now. During this time, I learned so much about myself and it was the best gift I could give myself – getting to know and value the person that I am.
When I was done with school, I wanted to move out on my own but I come from a conservative family so it wasn’t so easy for me to move out as soon as I turned 18. I paid a deposit on my new place but I wasn’t able to actually ‘leave the nest’ because of family values.
Then, when I got divorced, I did things differently this time to make sure I was in charge of my own decisions. I moved out of my marital home without telling anyone. BEST DECISION. If you don’t tell anyone about your plans, then people can’t ruin the beautiful life you have planned for yourself.
The decision was hard at first. All the thoughts about living on my own scared me but I made an effort to overcome every excuse I made up. Below are some of the things I struggled with when I started looking for a new place to call home.
Some basic TIPS when deciding whether to live alone
Freedom comes with a price. It is not cheap to live on your own especially if you don’t have anyone funding your life. If you are your only source of income, then it will be best to start saving up for a deposit. The basic things that you need to get for your new place will be expensive, so look for the best deals and don’t buy something just because it looks great. In the beginning, as long as the things you need will function, you should be okay. Also, watch yourself if you begin to use credit to start buying things you can’t afford. This will come back to bite you later on.
A sense of security is VERY important. There’s no point in getting a great place if you don’t feel safe. All you have to rely on is you. There are no parents, siblings, or friends to save you if your safety is at risk. Your best bet is to invest in a place that offers good security so that you can sleep better at night.
Being alone and lonely are not the same. Be careful that you don’t fall into the loneliness trap. It can be very easy to start isolating yourself because it is easier to stay at home. Isolation leads to loneliness. Always be aware of your mental state of mind and get out of the house when you feel you need to. Never underestimate the power of human interaction and be open to accepting support from those that care about you.
All the good stuff happens after you’ve moved out on your own (BENEFITS)
You don’t have to cook
When I first moved out on my own, I never cooked! I enjoyed not cooking because when I was in a relationship, I cooked every day. Living alone, I used to order in regularly because I found that it’s cheaper than cooking for one person. Otherwise, eggs were quick and easy to make, so on the days I wasn’t ordering food, I would fry an egg. Everything suddenly became more convenient and I had more time to do whatever I wanted to. It was amazing.
Is wearing make-up still a thing?
I’m not a person that wears a lot of make-up, but being alone makes you learn how to be comfortable in your skin. I spent more time at home doing the things I wanted to. When I did go out, I didn’t have to get all dressed up as I did before. I reached new levels of accepting myself for who I am.
No more waiting on other people
You’ve just unlocked another level of living stress-free. You don’t need to sit up worrying about anyone not getting home when they say they would. Instead, you can stay up all night binge-watching Netflix or eating ice-cream. You can also sleep in all day if you wanted to. The days of checking in with anyone or running your schedule pass anyone is now over.
You can get very ‘busy’
You don’t have to accept every single invite for lunch, dinner or the movies. You can be busy. Busy could mean that you’re taking a day for yourself. You don’t have to be busy doing anything at all. This is your life, your freedom and this is the reward you get for paying your way in life.
Replace expensive gifts with spa days
I love this. When I lived with my ex, I would always do things to make him happy, this mostly involved money. It will also be fair to say that he also spent a good amount of money on me too. Being alone means that I don’t have to spend large amounts of money on just one person. All that money I was spending is now being used for spa days, lunch with friends or saved towards my travels.
After a while, it becomes stressful to listen to how others live
I am aware that as we get older, we are meant to go through the circle of life. Marriage, kids, grandkids and all that other good stuff. But there is an increasing number of people who are choosing to live alone because it’s a lifestyle that gets addictive. When I hear other people speak about their home lives, I can’t imagine myself living like that. It sounds SO stressful, especially when children are involved.
When I was living the ‘family-type’ lifestyle, I didn’t realize how stressed I was. I was just going through the day’s activities but not really living MY life. It’s a dangerous way to live – living to do the things that needed to get done and forgetting that you also matter as a person.
Solitude is priceless
I think a lot of people don’t understand my solitude but I absolutely love it. You grow as an individual and learn to understand yourself a lot better. You keep changing to better yourself and make efforts to do what’s best for you. You begin to understand that your peace is priceless. If you allow another person into your life, that person has to compete with YOU for your attention because you know exactly who you are as a person.
Many are afraid of living alone, but once you get used to it, I doubt that you will have it any other way. OR until that special someone comes along and values you just as much (or more) than you value yourself…then it might be worth living with another person.