Did you ever get the feeling that someone wasn’t being completely honest with you? Maybe they would say all the things you wanted to hear but their actions contradicted their words?

Sometimes we find that there’s a disconnect between a person’s words and their actions. It can be very confusing and even frustrating at times.

It’s easy to believe everything that someone says when they are saying all the things you want to hear.

A person’s actions can speak volumes even without them saying a word. Actions will always reveal the true character of a person when their words make you second guess yourself.

Why would someone do the opposite of what they are saying?

I don’t know if I can call it deception when there’s an intentional disconnect between words and actions. But I know that people who say one thing but mean something else almost always have a hidden agenda and honestly, it sucks!

Why can’t people just be real from the start? I am sure there are many reasons why people do the things they do but it doesn’t justify not being real with you…ever.

Stick figures with puzzle pieces

Insecurity

It’s no secret that we live in a world where importance is placed on vanity and status. Many people have insecurities that develop because of a need to fit in.

Comparison is the worst thing that anybody can do, but comparison is what most people do. Many people compare their lives to others and most times, this comparison doesn’t even make sense.

Some people are comparing the worst parts of their lives with the best parts (or seemingly best parts) of other people’s lives. You cannot compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 25 because you will lose every single time.

Comparing makes us insecure and vulnerable. Often, when people aren’t where they want to be in life, they pretend to be something they’re not. But people cannot pretend forever, at some point, the truth will always come out.

Jealousy

Comparison also leads to jealousy. People are jealous because they want something that you have or they secretly think that you are better than them.

Others will do things to make their lives seem better than it is just to make themselves feel better. It has nothing to do with you.

They may inflate their job title, educational qualifications or other things in their life because they are secretly competing with you.

That’s why it’s always important to pay attention to what they do instead of what they say.

Small animal paying attention

Once, a ‘friend’ borrowed my car, at that point I had no idea that she was a frenemy. She wasn’t the best driver but I trusted her to use my car because she was just taking a two-minute drive to the shop and back.

She smashed my car as she getting into the driveway and her comment to me was that since I don’t place value on material things, she knows I wouldn’t mind her smashing my car! Wow!

They are stringing you along

Many people are selfish and only care about their own hidden agenda or feelings. I’ve heard so many people say that they got into a relationship and the partner says all the right things to them but their actions don’t match their words.

If a person tells you that they love you, but never shows up for you, you need to question that. A person who loves you doesn’t need to convince you that they care about you. Actions will speak for itself.

Likewise, if someone drops everything they are doing to show up for you whenever you need them, then you will know that they genuinely care about you. They don’t need to tell you how they feel all the time because they are consistently showing you how much you mean to them with their actions.

What are the signs of inconsistency?

Snarky remarks

Inconsistent people can make us feel as if we are losing our minds. With a straightforward person, there is no need to question their words or actions. You will know where you stand.

But with an inconsistent person, sooner or later you will pick up that something isn’t right. You will notice subtle signs that will have you doubting either yourself or the other person.

Woman turning her head

I knew someone who always made snarky remarks towards me but I brushed it off because I felt that I was reading too much into the situation.

One time she told me that I couldn’t handle the promotion I got at work. But she did it in a way that seemed caring. She told me that I wouldn’t cope with the added workload. I thought this was weird because she didn’t know anything about my job or what I did at work.

Remarks like these are childish and don’t say anything about me. Remarks such as these, tell me more about the person saying these horrible things.

Imitation

Sometimes people will be fake because they want to fit in or be liked more. This also stems from a place of deep insecurity. They don’t want to be themselves out of fear that others won’t like them.

Instead of being authentic, they would rather be fake so they can fit in. These types of people seek external validation. They place a high value on others’ opinions of them.

They are constantly changing and adapting to different people in their lives because they want to be liked by everybody.

Ever heard the saying, a friend to everybody is a friend to nobody? A person cannot be everything to everyone.

If you notice that person changes their behavior around the company of different people, then that is a fake person.

Fake compliments

Fake compliments, fake statements, fake everything! Be aware when a person gives you backhanded compliments.

They are probably intimidated by you because you are doing better than them in life.

Someone I once knew used to always give me fake compliments immediately followed by “how do you always get what you want?” or “how do you manage to attract certain types of people?” referring to the opposite sex that she was attracted to.

It’s weird because I don’t always get what I want, I am always working for what I want as most of us do. And I also think if you become grounded in yourself, the right people will naturally gravitate towards you and vice versa.

What to do about it?

Dealing with inconsistent people can be challenging and mentally draining. It’s important to become aware of these types of people so that you don’t question yourself based on others’ actions.

Man thinking

When you are aware that there is a disconnect between a person’s words and actions, you can handle the situation better. You don’t have to believe everything that is said to you because you know better.

Try not to share too many details about your life and stick to general topics. Limit the time you spend with them. It can be frustrating after you become aware of an inconsistent person and still have to be around that person.

If people cannot respect you enough or be consistent in your life, you don’t need to stick around for the sake of it. You know your worth and those people are not worthy of your time.

Usually, inconsistency comes from a place of selfishness, so let them be and try to choose the right people in your life…or let people with the same values as you, choose you.